I know that evidence is going to suggest that I will let you down

I. Hate. Boys. Frustrating, infuriating boys! 20-year-olds "knowitalls". HA! Wankers. No one ever, ever, ever gets away with dissing my MA. Ever. And no one ever gets away with dissing UK! What an idiot.

I haven't let a guy wind me up like this in a while. And no, I do not have any sort of crush on the guy in question. Sure I thought he was all right looking when I met him, but really. He's a wanker. It may be fun to talk to him and I know he's never serious; however, he really gets on my nerves. He knows how to push my buttons. And I hate that. Hate it. I always win. I'm always right! My defense mode is excellent by now. Somehow he's made it past the shield. Dammit.

Okay, so I do make fun of him for his attempts at getting with girls. (I tell him he'll never be able to get with a girl) And I make fun of his hair. He had Jim hair and then buzzed it all off. Now he looks like a potato with a bit of fuzz on top. No girl is going to go for that. Sorry. Hahahaha.

Maybe he's getting back at me for being so mean... Nah. He's just a tosser! Plain and simple.

I think the biggest thing here is the fact he's 20 and immature. I've met two 20-year-olds, one 19-year-old, and one 18-year-old guy over the past few weeks and it's amazing that I even talk to them. They're a lot younger than me. And a lot more immature. Way more immature than the 24-year-old guys I know now. I think when guys start reaching the 25-year-old range they start calming down. But these guys have years to go. Years. And I don't know if I can talk to them much longer knowing they have years to go until they reach the calming down age range.

I was once 20 and I remember how boys were then. They were very frustrating, but I think I handled it a heck of a lot better then than I do now. Now, I try to outsmart them. And it's kind of hard to with these guys because they're pretty educated. I had an argument with one of my 20-year-old guy friends about LBJ and his Great Society. Any guy I knew when I was 20 wouldn't have been able to argue that with me about that. So these youngins I know now are a bit smarter than the 20-year-olds I knew four years ago. Maybe that's why they're more impossible to deal with!

I hate it when people - especially young boys - question my knowledge. And argue with me. I already argue enough with the most immature person on the planet (my dad) on a daily basis; so I don't need to be arguing with some full-of-shit 20-year-old bloke on top of that.

Whhyyyyy. Why me. Stupid boys. Stupid, stupid boys. Stupid for thinking you're all smart even though you still have so much more to learn. (Which I know we all have more to learn in life, but they're four years behind!) And they're stupid for just being a boy. I already thought boys were stupid because they operate in stupid ways. Stupid with their drunk text messages filled with weird sayings and being all secretive. Stupid with the way they seem interested, but then they're not interested. (And sometimes its because they're f-ing taken. What is that all about?!) Stupid with the fact they always have to f-ing flirt. (Because you don't!) Stupid with thinking girls are more difficult to figure out then they are. (HA boys are way harder to figure out) Stupid! And toss on the 'smarter than thou' symptom and you've got a real mess. A recipe for pissing me off big time!

AGH. This is why I don't talk to younger people and/or boys. They just piss me off. That's it. After my OFA stint, no more talking to younger guys. They're just full of it.

Holy shnikes!

It's been so long since I've written on this blog. So many ideas have flown through my head over the past few months on what I could write on here, but I never make it to the computer to do so. Yes, I'm lazy. But I need to act on my inspiration as I feel that I am becoming well, stupid.

I was discussing the idiocy that is Hitler and his book Mein Kampf with my sister tonight and I found that all the words I used to throw in those types of conversations have evaded me. I am the Holocaust history buff. I wrote a 30 page thesis on the local coverage of the Holocaust in three regions of the U.S. and compared the coverage to local isolationism sentiment to rate how much people in each area really knew about the European atrocities being committed by the hands of the Nazis during my senior year of undergrad, for cheese sake. (WHEW try saying that five times fast) If I can't bring in simple words related to my historical topic of choice, then it clearly means I'm becoming stupider with each passing day.

Sure, I read books, magazines and newspapers. I watch the news every night. (local news - agh, quelle horreur) I read the news on my iPhone and on my favourite pages several times a day. I watch TV shows that are entertaining and interesting. Yet, I feel stupider today than I did nine months ago. Maybe it's because I started watching 'Dancing With the Stars?' this season. That mush just might be attributing to my lowering IQ. You never know.

Or maybe it's the fact that I live in a boring suburb and am surrounded by nothing but a few commercial buildings, lots of housing communities, and SUVs driven by angry military wives? NAAAAHHH! (ahem, YES)

Yes, I live in a Washington suburb that is near two (count 'em, TWO) military bases but that surely must not have anything to do with the fact that life out here SUCKS. Nothing but houses. Sleeper communities, as they used to say. (don't know who exactly used to say that phrase, though) AGH need to be near life! A bar! Concert halls! Friends! Intellectual conversations and beings! Seattle has that, sure, but it's so far away! Damn. It.

In conclusion, I need to write more. Because clearly I have gone insane by not doing so.

I need this old train to breakdown

Who am I? Where am I going? -- these are questions I ask myself everyday. I've gotten to the point where I don't know what my purpose is anymore. Am I meant to be a journalist? A civil servant? A retail worker? A person who has to file bankruptcy at a very tender age?

Everyone I know from England (with an exception of some people in a course that wasn't journalism related) has gotten a bloody job or internship by now. People from my course and broadcast are in New York, yukking it up while I struggle to find something worthy of my MA degree.

I know the economy is failing. (quickly, might I add) I know I have limited journalistic experience except for my blogging habit and what I learned at uni. I know that these two issues are what's stopping me from getting a job. (And maybe because I don't have a license to properly operate a motor vehicle) But why are all these other people lucking out when I have a sharp mind and an eagerness to learn?

I've been looking for a job since December (just here and there) and super actively since August. I've had some interviews, but never any luck past that. It's depressing to be looked over for a job.

I don't know how chronically unemployed people do it. How they don't feel defeated when they don't get a job. They were probably never raised to believe in themselves and set goals, true, but still. Being unemployed sucks.

What I do to fill my days of unemployment is boring too. I apply to either retail or journalism jobs (after spending time searching), then I watch TV or aimlessly click through the infinite space of the internet until it's time to prepare dinner. Then it's back to doing whatever I can find to fill my time. Any opportunity I get to go outside is exciting. I even enjoy going to the grocery store now. I use to hate going to the store! But anything --anything!-- I can do to get my mind off the fact I have $0 to my name, bills to pay, and no job on the horizon is worth it.

I just want to go to sleep and not wake up. Until someone calls me with a fantastic job offer, that is. Then I'll be fully awake and ready to go. But for now I'm just going to bum around my house and think wistfully how life could have been different if only I had changed some things around.

I don't want to get involved, but...

...as a journalist I can't ignore this:

"The beating of two Japanese journalists by police in western China drew an official apology Tuesday, but Beijing also set new obstacles for news outlets wanting to report from Tiananmen Square in the latest sign of trouble for reporters covering the Olympics." (New Fears about Olympic press freedoms)

China is a communist country, I get it. It has limits on its press and their rules are not something you should take lightly. But don't offer to host an international event in your country, then (pretend to) fail to recognize that the press are going to want to get behind every angle of what's happening in the country before, during, and after the event takes place. The job of the press is to find an angle that is presentable to the public. You can't report mundane information like "China is smoggy. Olympics start Friday" every day of the week. You have to see chip through the exterior to see why the government is so uptight and what is occurring against the Chinese system. And if China thinks they can avoid the international threshold of what makes a story a story, well, then they've got another thing coming. Riots held by the press will be larger than those held in Tibet. Mark my words.

I want to give China the benefit of the doubt, really I do, because we should know better. We show know that any "promises" given by a Communist country are about as good as the paper their written on. And after 97 years since the Bolsheviks rolled in and communism took over Russia and Asia, we should know not to mess with Communist countries' long-installed rules. But, I guess us Westerners will never learn.

Things every expat should know

My time in Sheffield is coming closer to an end with five days until my departure. I have crossed a few things off my list of 'things to do before I leave', which is always a relief. One thing I did not put on my list was to learn more cultural things about England. It seems dumb to mention something like that, especially after living in the UK for 10 months, but I think it should be a high priority of mine. Why is that? Because a) I want to use slang that will confuse people in the US and b) I want to share what I acquire of British culture with my fellow peers so you don't look like such an idiot if you visit the UK.

With this said, I now would like to present to you my guide for Americans living in or visiting the UK:

1) Drop these words and phrases from your repertoire...:
-Garbage, trash can
-Pants
-Awesome, cool
-Hoodie
-Date/dating, make out
-Bar
-Yo, what's up, hey, hi
-Candy
-Excuse me
-Cell phone, call, drop-by
-Cute
-Tired
-Sneakers, tennis shoes
-Clean, do the dishes, laundry
-Grocery store, drug store
-Period
-School, class, teacher, professor

2) And pick up these words instead...:
-Rubbish, bin. Brits will make fun of you if you say garbage! (at least my flatmate makes fun of me...)

-Pants = underwear in the UK, so you can use this word for that article of clothing. Otherwise, be smart and use trousers or jeans when you're talking about the article that covers your bottom half.

-Awesome and cool are used, but rarely. Instead adopt words such as: good, nice, etc.

-Hoodie does not mean anything to Brits. Just call it a sweater or a jumper.

-Dating is kind of a foreign concept in the UK. They call it going out, which we Americans use this to describe a relation status...when we're 10.

-You made out with a bloke, eh? Well, you can tell your mates you snogged a guy or you got off with a guy. Which that last statement sounds dirty to us Americans, I know, but it's a legit form of our tired American term.

-Say it with me now: PUB. Not bar. PUB. Very good!

-You can say yo, hey, hi, what's up all you want, but you should probably drop the yo and what's up in favour of the good old fashion greeting of hello. If you're up North (like I am), you can say hiya!

-Asking where the candy is results in giggles. Asking where the sweets are means you will be lead to the aisle that is overflowing with Cadbury. (Best aisle in the store, if you ask me!)

-Unfortunately there is no word that can replace 'excuse me.' If you say this word, you get terribly weird looks. Instead, just smile or nod if you're about to run into someone and are sorry about that near-accident. If you're in a shop and a person won't move, a good ole huff oughta do the trick. Or you can just make room for yourself and get to whatever it is you wanted. Space bubbles here are quite small, so don't freak out. Which I did freak out when I first got here, but I'm over it now. Now, I run over people if they get in my way. Mwhahaha.

-I still tell people to call my cell phone, which Brits understand these terms because of the influx of American television shows and films into the UK; however, if you want to feel like a real Brit, tell people to ring you on your mobile. (pronounced mo-bile) And if you're going to drop-by somewhere, say you'll call at such-and-such hour. (By the way -- ALWAYS be on time in the UK. Especially if you're going to lecture)

-Kittens are cute. Puppies are cute. Boys are not cute. Boys you fancy (like, have a crush on) are fit, nice, good-looking, or hot. I got asked by a friend if it was true we say people are 'cute' when we're attracted to them and when I said yes, I was surrounded by the sound of laughter. Yeeahh...

-You can say you're tired, but it's much cooler to say you're shattered or knackered.

-Don't say sneakers and ESPECIALLY don't say tennis shoes. Yikes. Always, always, always say trainers. And when in doubt, just say shoes!

-If you're going to clean your room, then you're going to tidy your room. If you want to do a load of laundry, you're doing the washing. If you want to offer to do the dishes, say you'll do the washing up.

-It doesn't matter what store you go into -- they are all called shops. WHSmith, to H&M, to Tesco Express. Grocery implies you're going to the green grocer, which is like a market. And if you are going to a huge grocery store, call it a supermarket.

-Yes, I know what you're thinking. They have another word for that time of month? No no, don't be silly. It's the same word in the UK, Germany, Canada, whatever. But if you're talking about the dot that goes at the end of a sentence, then it's a full-stop.

-Going to school means you're five. Going to uni (university) means you're going to an institute that teaches people 18 and up. (And don't say college -- that's part of their high school system) And you can't go to class in uni, but you can go to lecture or seminar. Need to talk to your teacher/professor? Well, you'll find a teacher in secondary school and a professor has a PhD, so you need to go see your tutor or course leader.


Well that's all for my cultural guide today... But check back tomorrow for a continuation! Whoo. I'm still learning things so I have to prolong the publication of my list, you know. So, see ya tomorrow kids.

I want you to stay and I guess I could give you a line

Today I went to Oxford. Since I started my obsession with everything British at the age of 14, I've wanted to go to uni there. I almost applied to the MA in Classics there, but I changed my emphasis in history to Holocaust, so that kind of went out the window... But it was nice to see the city and university of a place where I once wanted to study. And it was nice to see another British city. I've only been to like, five of them and train stations in two other cities. How sad is that? I've been in England for eight months and I've barely travelled. Yes, money and time has a lot to do with that conundrum, but I should have travelled more. I should have done more British things in general anyway.

So, with less than two weeks left to go, I have made a list of things I need to do before I leave.

Things to do Before I Leave:
1) Have a roast dinner
2) Go to Chatsworth House in the Peak District
3) Participate in a pub quiz (which I'm doing on Monday!)
4) See a local band live
5) Go to the coast
6) Have fish and chips (I've only had chips...)
7) Travel to Scotland
8) Track down Alex Turner! (lead singer of Sheffield hereos, Arctic Monkeys)
9) See a castle
10) See more of London
11) Go to Manchester and Leeds - properly!
12) Have a traditional British pudding
13) Have high tea
14) Go to Sherwood Forest
15) Flirt with more nice British boys. Met some cool ones recently, but they're all taken. So basically, I need to do some more harmless flirting. Gotta get back in the game before I go back to the US, yeah? (even though I do not want a US boyfriend! gross)

There are more things I need to do before I leave, but I cannot think of them. If anyone has any suggestions, let me know.

I promise this is not a test

I went with my flatmate Ama today to find the primary school where she was supposed to vote at for the local elections today. It was one we had never heard of, but it was apparently very near by. We went, found the school, were shocked and amazed at this little area that we never knew existed. The school was built in 1875 and it was just beautiful. It looked like it could be a castle. Or something out of Harry Potter. Sometimes this city just takes my breath away.

When Ama and I walked back to our flat, a realization came over me: I leave in two months and 10 days. I'm leaving Sheffield probably forever.

And as we walked past the distinctive British parking meters, dashed through traffic driving on the wrong side of the road, and walked past Devonshire Green, I became sad. I won't be able to find these kinds of things ever again. No more Division Street, no more Starbucks where the cute guy barista knows my drink, no more Forum and the taxis that sit outside it after its dark, no more usage of public bins... Nothing that's distinctively Sheffield/UK will be around me ever again.

AW MAN. Why? I hate getting attached to things because then I get sad. I don't like being sad!

This time last year I was packing my things up and doing a happy dance because I was FINALLY getting out of Tucson. Away from the constant cloud of dirt that surrounded my line of vision and away from people I once considered my best and oldest friend, then only to leave with the mind frame to never ever speak to her again. I was so glad to graduate and be done with my undergrad career. When my family showed up at my front door on graduation day, I wanted to collapse into my mom's arms and cry. I was so happy to be going back to where I belonged--the Pacific Northwest.

Now that I'm in Sheffield, I have found where I truly belong. I think I was meant to say 'hiya' and 'cheers'. No one says things like that in the US. While some Brits may be a helluva lot bitchier than people in the US, I find that I don't mind. Saying excuse me and having to be verbally polite all the time is quite exhausting. A smile can go a long way here. That's how it should be. Then again, I do love those looks of "what are you like?!" when I say "excuse me" to get past someone. Ah, classic.

Over seven months of my live have flown past me and really, I don't know where they went. I still feel like I have more to learn, more to see, and more things to experience. I don't want to go! I <3 Sheff!

While my course and course mates do drive me crazy and experiencing homesickness sucks, I find that I don't want this to be over. My entire life I have been waiting for things to speed up and past me because I couldn't deal with them any longer. Now, I can't get my life to slow down! Time does goes by a lot quicker as you get older. I have definitely noticed such a trend.

I will apply for jobs in the UK so I can try to create some grasp on to the things that have been uniquely comforting to me these past few months. I think the main reason why I want to stay is because of my friends. Who else is going to drink Starbucks everyday with me? Who is going to have an essay research cram session with me? Who is going to ask me "is this true about America?..."? Who is going to sit in the kitchen and chat with me over a brew?

I know I have American friends who will gladly sub into these roles, but... it's just not the same. It's not the same if they don't have a cool British or German accent. (AWWW I'm going to miss my friend from Munchen SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!) I miss my US friends and my friends here could never sub into their roles. It works both ways. God, when I came over here I told myself I wouldn't get attached. HMPH. Too late for that now.

Just cross your fingers I don't start becoming withdrawn, depressed, and a bitch over the next few months. I tend to do that when I know I need to remove myself from somewhere. Which sounds stupid coming from the girl who has moved 21 times. I'm used to just living my life and then all of sudden be somewhere else and starting over. Well, I guess I can't do anything about my new habit. We can thank Tucson for it.

Ode to Sheffield, I love you so! You have given me lots of things to have (H&M!) and to hold (err--an umbrella). I'll never forget your dodgy streets and moochers of the state. I'll never forget the fact you introduced me to my best mates. The new vocab you have supplied to me will come quite handy whilst in a row with some guy called Joe who doesn't believe I ever lived here. The plane ride home will be torturous, oh... but don't forget that one day I'll be back.

(don't ever let me write poetry ever again. what were you thinking? jeez. lol)