Thursday, 1 May 2008

I promise this is not a test

I went with my flatmate Ama today to find the primary school where she was supposed to vote at for the local elections today. It was one we had never heard of, but it was apparently very near by. We went, found the school, were shocked and amazed at this little area that we never knew existed. The school was built in 1875 and it was just beautiful. It looked like it could be a castle. Or something out of Harry Potter. Sometimes this city just takes my breath away.

When Ama and I walked back to our flat, a realization came over me: I leave in two months and 10 days. I'm leaving Sheffield probably forever.

And as we walked past the distinctive British parking meters, dashed through traffic driving on the wrong side of the road, and walked past Devonshire Green, I became sad. I won't be able to find these kinds of things ever again. No more Division Street, no more Starbucks where the cute guy barista knows my drink, no more Forum and the taxis that sit outside it after its dark, no more usage of public bins... Nothing that's distinctively Sheffield/UK will be around me ever again.

AW MAN. Why? I hate getting attached to things because then I get sad. I don't like being sad!

This time last year I was packing my things up and doing a happy dance because I was FINALLY getting out of Tucson. Away from the constant cloud of dirt that surrounded my line of vision and away from people I once considered my best and oldest friend, then only to leave with the mind frame to never ever speak to her again. I was so glad to graduate and be done with my undergrad career. When my family showed up at my front door on graduation day, I wanted to collapse into my mom's arms and cry. I was so happy to be going back to where I belonged--the Pacific Northwest.

Now that I'm in Sheffield, I have found where I truly belong. I think I was meant to say 'hiya' and 'cheers'. No one says things like that in the US. While some Brits may be a helluva lot bitchier than people in the US, I find that I don't mind. Saying excuse me and having to be verbally polite all the time is quite exhausting. A smile can go a long way here. That's how it should be. Then again, I do love those looks of "what are you like?!" when I say "excuse me" to get past someone. Ah, classic.

Over seven months of my live have flown past me and really, I don't know where they went. I still feel like I have more to learn, more to see, and more things to experience. I don't want to go! I <3 Sheff!

While my course and course mates do drive me crazy and experiencing homesickness sucks, I find that I don't want this to be over. My entire life I have been waiting for things to speed up and past me because I couldn't deal with them any longer. Now, I can't get my life to slow down! Time does goes by a lot quicker as you get older. I have definitely noticed such a trend.

I will apply for jobs in the UK so I can try to create some grasp on to the things that have been uniquely comforting to me these past few months. I think the main reason why I want to stay is because of my friends. Who else is going to drink Starbucks everyday with me? Who is going to have an essay research cram session with me? Who is going to ask me "is this true about America?..."? Who is going to sit in the kitchen and chat with me over a brew?

I know I have American friends who will gladly sub into these roles, but... it's just not the same. It's not the same if they don't have a cool British or German accent. (AWWW I'm going to miss my friend from Munchen SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!) I miss my US friends and my friends here could never sub into their roles. It works both ways. God, when I came over here I told myself I wouldn't get attached. HMPH. Too late for that now.

Just cross your fingers I don't start becoming withdrawn, depressed, and a bitch over the next few months. I tend to do that when I know I need to remove myself from somewhere. Which sounds stupid coming from the girl who has moved 21 times. I'm used to just living my life and then all of sudden be somewhere else and starting over. Well, I guess I can't do anything about my new habit. We can thank Tucson for it.

Ode to Sheffield, I love you so! You have given me lots of things to have (H&M!) and to hold (err--an umbrella). I'll never forget your dodgy streets and moochers of the state. I'll never forget the fact you introduced me to my best mates. The new vocab you have supplied to me will come quite handy whilst in a row with some guy called Joe who doesn't believe I ever lived here. The plane ride home will be torturous, oh... but don't forget that one day I'll be back.

(don't ever let me write poetry ever again. what were you thinking? jeez. lol)

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